Yucy's Return

And return with a VENGEANCE, she did. Oh! She did indeed....

The day I was driving Kylene and baby Sophie to the airport, Lucy got invited to go play at a friend's house-- which was perfect, because it meant she no longer had to sit in the car for the hour long drive and be bored and whine at me that she was indeed bored. I dropped her off at her friend Gabby's house and Lucy was ecstatic since this was probably only the third or fourth play date they've had (Gabby's dad is the Endodontist at the Air Force base, so one of Jon's supervisors-- and they also happen to be LDS and in our ward). Without a specific time given to come pick her up, I told Gabby's mom to just call me when she wanted me to come get Lucy. Around 2 p.m. Gabby's mom calls and asks if I can come get Lucy, which I of course replied I would. I pick Lucy up and get her in the car where immediately I can SMELL her. I lift up her dress and there is POOP smeared everywhere. It is like caked between her legs and in her panties and on the back of her dress, and I'm like, "Lucy!! What happened?!?" She explained that she'd had to go potty but was too embarrassed to have Gabby's mom come help her wipe afterwards, so she "did it herself." But folks, please, there is enough poop residue here that I'm beginning to wonder if she actually DID make it to the potty at all, or maybe it was just a reeeeally runny one this time. I am MORTIFIED. Not only is this Jon's boss's house that she could have potentially smeared poo all over (heaven forbid if she sat down on their couch!!), but Gabby's mom said NOTHING to me about it, even though Lucy said she told her about it and that's why they called to have me come get her. No wonder she did!! Oh yeah, and last time Luce was there she peed her pants, so this is the 2nd of 3 times she has soiled herself while there. So she's probably wondering if Lucy is a little slow... and I'm sure she was probably just so embarrassed for me she didn't want to make me feel bad by pointing it out, right? I about died. I pull in to Costco (where I HAVE to pick up my prescriptions before they close for lunch) and begin vigorously wiping Lucy down with wet wipes, strip her nasty panties off (which I don't even bother bringing home but immediately throw in the trash), all the while dying wondering if I need to call this poor woman and apologize for whatever poopy mess may be left behind in their bathroom...and all over their house. Ughh. Yucy: 1 Mommy: 0

Then, awhile ago I decided to spice things up and sign Lucy up for a 6 week gymnastics class (instead of dance) at the Rec center and the first class was this past Tuesday. If you know Lucy, you know she has this completely irrational fear of teenage boys. Which heck, that's a GOOD thing! Unless the gymnastics instructor happens to be a TEENAGE BOY. In fact, when we first moved here I simply transferred my membership at the YMCA from Philly and started going here, but oddly enough there were ONLY teenage boys working in the kids' playroom, and Lucy was an absolute hysterical mess. I'd usually get in about a 30 min. workout before they'd come and get me because Lucy was so inconsolable about being left with rowdy teenage boys. So we switched to Gold's Gym where there are ONLY women working and all is well. Anyway, I digress. So we get there and immediately she launches into a MAJOR meltdown about how she is TERRIFIED of this poor boy ("Coach Spencer" who looks pretty harmless and unassuming to me-- Zachy was itching to "wessle him"), and she wants TO. GO. HOME!!! WAH!!!! I finally get her calmed down enough to at least stay and watch the other kids, plus her friend Julia shows up who's taking the class with her, and she bravely begins participating in the class. About 15 minutes in I see her doing the tell-tell hopping and I know, "Crap! She's going to pee!" And sure enough I see this HUGE puddle blossoming out onto the mat they're all tumbling around on, and she bends over quick with her shirt and tries to wipe it up before anyone notices, but realizing it's futile she raises her hand to ask Coach Spencer if she can use the restroom (which bless her heart, probably took EVERY ounce of courage she had), and we run into the bathroom...but her bladder had definitely been emptied on the mat. I am frantic trying to think fast on how I can salvage this stupid class, so I take her wet clothes off and rinse them in the sink and then start drying them with the hand-dryers, but there is no way she can go do it because they STINK. But that's not the end of it! I come out of the bathroom and there is Coach Spencer waiting for me, with the class all huddled on the mat corner furthest from the pee, and he's like, "She had an accident." And I'm like, "Yeah, I know. I'm really sorry." And he's like, "Can you clean it up?" You betcha! I gotta track down the janitor to get the official "Bodily Fluids Clean-Up Kit"-- follow the extensive directions (it is just PEE people, not blood), so on hands and knees in front of like 10 other parents, Coach Spencer, and 10 little budding gymnasts I clean up the pee-pee with all eyes on me. And seriously, some of those moms are shooting me daggers, like "How dare your child PEE and interrupt the important athletic conditioning of my gifted and talented 4 year old?!?" Oh man. If only I were as lucky as them-- who I am sure have children who never do ANYTHING embarrassing, and this were only the first public humiliation I'd suffered at the hands of my children. But alas, it's like 5,063 now. Oh well. I'm sorta kinda dreading next week's installment of Gymnastics with Yucy. Yucy: 2 Mommy: 0

But on a lighter note, last Sunday at church Lucy got really excited when she saw the Sacrament being passed and said, "Oh good! Look Mom, they're bringing the samples now!" I think we have been to Costco WAAAAY too many times...